The Apocalypse Will Be Televised

Good evening and welcome to Channel 7 Action News. First tonight we bring you a bizarre story from a busy downtown restaurant. Brick House on Washington Avenue was the setting of a violent employee rampage that resulted in the deaths and injuries of several patrons and employees. Early reports indicate that waitress Erica Knox attacked several patrons, biting them on the throat and abdomen. Several employees who tried to intervene were also attacked.

We now go to Amanda Rens live on the scene. Hello, Amanda, can you confirm early reports that the attacker, Erica Knox, ate her victims?

Good evening, Mike. Yes, I have confirmed with witnesses here on the scene that the attacker did indeed eat the flesh of her victims. I’m here with Alice Smalls, a diner who witnessed the killing spree tonight. Alice, can you tell us what you saw?

Oh my god. It was the most horrifying thing I have ever seen! She, she, oh my god, she just went crazy! She started shakin’ and twitchin’ and all this gross white stuff started comin’ out her nose and mouth. I told my husband, look at that waitress spittin’ on those people’s food. And then she just — attacked.

Can you elaborate on that? How did she attack them?

She jumped on the table, and she bit out their throats, like a dog or some, some kinda wild animal. These two men, they looked like they worked here, they tried to tear her off ‘em but then she attacked them. She tore right through that man’s stomach! Ripped his guts right out and ate ‘em. I have never seen anything like that.

Thank you Mrs. Smalls.

Thank you Miss Rens.

Amanda, has there been any word on what may have caused this violent rampage?

No Mike. I’ve spoken with police here and there doesn’t seem to be any information yet as to what may have caused Erica to snap. So far all they can confirm is three dead and eight injured. Most injuries caused by bites from the attacker as she did not have a weapon.

Thank you, Amanda, We’ll continue to bring you updates to this bizarre story as they become available.

In global news tonight, violence in Mumbai has spread throughout India. Patients at hospitals across the country have erupted in violence and are taking over the institutions. Residents in the surrounding areas have been setting the affected buildings on fire in an effort to stop the spread of violence.

And now here’s Tom with the weather.